Go Ahead and Get Married. It Will Last

The Good News About Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths About Marriage and Divorce

by Shaunti Feldhahn

A Review By Tom Kennedy

Quick quiz: What is the divorce rate for marriages in the U.S.  Well, you are wrong.  The divorce rate is MUCH lower for all marriages.  One of the most discouraging aspects of doing pre-marital counseling was trying to giving hope to couples who have heard that they there is only a 50% chance of having a successful marriage.  All pre-marital and marriage counselors were looking for something positive to tell couples.

A few years ago I ran across a book by Shaunti Feldhahn by the name of The Good News About Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths About Marriage and Divorce.  Feldhahn writes easy-to-read books based on scientific research.  While writing for a different book, she tried to find the original research that pointed to a 50% divorce rate.  She couldn’t find it.  Her research showed that scholars had been misquoting a projection by stating it as fact.  She found in her own research that the divorce rate was significantly lower for first marriages and even more surprisingly much lower rates for second and third marriages.

I personally went to some of the research sites found in the book to see if her findings were correct.  The best website showed that baby boomers have the highest divorce rate of about 37.5%.  That is far from a 50% divorce rate.  However, every other subgroup, and especially young couples, have much, much lower rates of divorce.

I quickly added this book to my required textbooks for my university undergraduate and graduate classes.  Every semester for three years at least one student per class and sometimes several students told me that they were now open to marriage after reading the book.  They commented that they had been too discouraged to take a 50/50 chance on marriage.   Now knowing that the odds stacked in their favor, they have hope for a successful marriage.

This book should be required reading for couples who are thinking about marriage.  I also recommend it for church youth groups and church single adult groups.  Give it to young marrieds and to unmarried couples for Christmas or Valentines Day.   Because the research is clear: There is hope for a long-lasting marriage.

Order it Here

The Good News About Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths About Marriage and Divorce.

Testimonials

“In the thirty-two years I have been deeply immersed in the world of marriage ministry, I have been demoralized at times by the negative statistics quoted. And now I am ecstatic as I read the truth in this incredible book. Thank you, Shaunti, for doing the hard work necessary to expose the myths and lies and for finally revealing the facts about marriage. This book and the undeniable research in it is a game changer!”

—Jimmy Evans

Founder and CEO of MarriageToday, Senior Pastor of Trinity Fellowship

 

“This is an important book. Shaunti and Tally do an impressive job of showing that there is room for different viewpoints on divorce statistics and room for optimism about marriage. I believe that people make higher-risk choices partly because they have lost hope in marriage, and this book presents a basis for real hope.”

—Dr. Scott Stanley

Coauthor of A Lasting Promise, Research Professor at the University of Denver

A Strategy to Plan and Land That Future Husband

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others:

The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams

by John Molloy

A Review By Tom Kennedy

Ladies, what do men look for in a wife?  When are they ready for marriage and when are they just dating?  What should you do in your life to enhance your chances of finding a man you will love and who will love you enough to propose to you.  Ask John Molloy.  His book has valuable answers.

John Molloy is a researcher who tackled this issue by having his associates stand outside marriage license offices and interview couples who just signed up for a license.  His results are told in this easy-to-read book, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams. I suggest that all women interested in marrying read this book.  It will help them avoid “stringers” who have no interest in marriage.

One result of Molloy’s research discovered certain ages in which men are most likely to marry.  Education level has the greatest effect on these ages.  Sometime after its completion most men’s attitudes change positively towards marriage. Molloy gives the ranges for all educational levels.

He also gives advice about dress and attitudes that make a woman appear more of a marital prospect than only a good date.

Molloy states that similarity in many aspects of life make someone attractive.   This fits with ongoing research that similarity is one of the best predictors of a successful marriage.   We know that opposites attract but few stay happily married.

He points out how having a lot of female friends helped a woman find single men to date.  Strange, but true.  I like that Molloy points out that a woman should love herself before dating for marriage.  Insecure and depressed attitudes do not make anyone attractive.

One of my favorite lines from the book is this, “Women who go out a second or third time with a man they are not crazy about at first often end up happily married to them.”

Molloy does talk about one important item in his book.  Cohabiting, in order to see if this is the person you should marry, will likely result in no marriage. Women focused on marriage avoid it.

Researchers have known for decades that cohabiting does not lead to marriage for the majority of people.  Those who do marry have a GREATER chance of divorce than those who don’t cohabit.  Molloy finds that most women who get a man to the altar do not cohabit with him until at least after there is a commitment to marry.

Molloy provides advice about using internet dating sites and how this is helpful for many women who are not very social.  Marrying after 40, as well as marriage to divorced and widowed men is covered.  It is great advice.

Read this book and follow its suggestions.  It is all right to strategize and plan before and during the dating stage.  You will increase your chances for a happy and successful marriage if you do.

Remember this, despite ubiquitous “dysfunctional” couples you see on TV and movies, marriage is a wonderful thing.